a hair salon is still just a hair salon

i drove by a hair salon that had a rainbow flag hanging in the window the other day, and i got to thinking about an intense discussion i'd had recently about whether rainbow flags outside a business are necessary.

when something sara quin, from tegan and sara, said in an interview came to mind.

(anyone who knows me by this point is aware of my affinity for tegan and sara.)

in an interview for out.com sara said,

"we're queer, but music doesn't have a sexuality. even if our music was written more clearly to women, like if we were using 'she' and 'her' and that sort of thing i still think the music is still just music. it's still just a song. and just like literature if the themes of the book are queer- does that mean its only for a queer audience? i'm just not sure that's as important anymore. and yet, its important i think to be out for the people who still can't be out or don't want to be out. i definitely want to be seen by those kids and i want to be a role model to those kids. you know?"

(here's the full interview if you're interested.)

if you replace "music" with "a hair salon" and "song" with "a place," you would get something like this-

"i still think a hair salon is still just a hair salon. it's still just a place."

i couldn't have said it any better myself, sara.

so i'll end by saying- yes the rainbow flags are necessary.

this week or last week?

this whole "being unemployed" gig sure gives me plenty of time to think.

i think about what there is to watch on tv, whether i should venture outside to go for a jog, why is my dog staring at me like that, do i REALLY want a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast? again?

but i also think, "will i ever get a job?" and "what kind of direction is my life going in?"

the first set of questions are obviouslyyyy the easier ones to answer- though, i never really do know why my dog just sits and stares at me, and i mean *stares.*

i really wish she could talk sometimes.

anyways.

the point is, the second set of questions are more difficult.

i have faith in myself that i will get a job at some point in the near (fingers crossed for VERY near) future.

but my direction in life is sort of unclear. i'm sure i'm not alone in this situation, in fact, i'm positive there are other recent college grads struggling to find an upgrade professional job.

the job market is tough out there.

i'm suspicious of folks who have steady jobs that say its getting better, (but i secretly want to believe its true- positive thoughts!)

finding a professional job is what can lead us onto a path- a direction of sorts.

since i, like many others unemployed, haven't found one yet i feel slightly direction-less.

i guess i'm just wondering if others out there have any sort of advice- what keeps YOU going day after day of the daily grind?

how do YOU maintain some sort of sanity and hope that a job will hire you?

if you're reading this and without a job- i wish you the best of luck in your search and i feel your pain. we'll get through this!

we just got to believe we are wonderfully talented hard working people, and any job that takes us will get to see it.

take care and enjoy whats left of your sunday.

xoxo

pray the devil back to hell

i was invited to attend a women's leadership forum this weekend. how could i possibly say no to that?!
so, of course i went!

it was fantastic to be surrounded by so many women who were so successful and dedicated to making a difference in others lives.

the day started off with a great meal and sitting at a table getting to know the women around me. i had some great conversations with the ladies at my table. (i know you're not supposed to talk about a lady's age, so i will not disclose anymore information besides this tidbit- i was the only one still in college.) the reason i even make a point of saying that is because i'm at a crossroads at this particular moment in time, and the women at my table were distinguished in one way or another. they had found their calling and created a path. i was basically sitting in their presence in total and utter awe. some were college professors, social workers, creators of organizations, and much more.

after our meal, we watched a documentary titled, "pray the devil back to hell."
it's about the women of liberia who prayed for peace at a time when their country was in utter turmoil and devastation due to its leadership. young boys were being recruited into the armed forces of a corrupt government and being trained to kill and destroy.

the images shown were heartbreaking and terribly hard to watch. there were scenes where young boys held guns and dragged dead bodies proudly. my heart ached as women who were mothers, sisters, daughters, grandmothers, etc were subjected to watching the ones they love die or murder others.

there was not a dry eye in the room. (yours truly was doing all i could to keep from sobbing too loudly.)

one woman made a stand.
she gathered thousands of women- old, young, christian and muslim, to rally together and pray for peace. together.

they silently protested and showed their unity by wearing white shirts.

these thousands of women demanded a change, peacefully, and prayed that the civil war in liberia would come to an end.

this documentary speaks volumes about the change that can happen when women come together and dedicate their time to a cause.

here's a passage from the website- www.praythedevilbacktohell.com

"A story of sacrifice, unity and transcendence, Pray the Devil Back to Hell honors the strength and perseverance of the women of Liberia. Inspiring, uplifting, and most of all motivating, it is a compelling testimony of how grassroots activism can alter the history of nations."

if this peaks your interest i would strongly recommend checking out the website.

and remember- all the strength you need is inside yourself.

xoxo

thank you kate.

i met an amazing human being last month.
her name is kate bornstein.

she wrote a book titled "gender outlaw: on men, women and the rest of us." (this book was published in 1994. yours truly didn't read it until this past winter for a book club, but everything in it is still so relevant today.)

my reaction after reading it was plain and simple: the book blew my mind.

this blog entry isn't going to be a book review, but i will say this- any person can read it and learn something.
(i mention the book because after reading it, i developed a new philosophy- question everything.)

kate came to the berkshires- which was such a thrill!
she gave a presentation on one night and on the second there was a performance.
(i was lucky enough to be able to go both nights.)

her presentation was about the difference between sex and gender. (which growing up i thought were the same thing.) not the case. she also went over the "alphabet soup of sexualities" under the glbtcq umbrella- there's more than just those, and there's one for everybody. trust me. i found myself in her alphabet. :]
the next night she gave a performance where she read some stories aloud. it was so personal, so intimate, and so amazing.
i laughed with her, cried with her, got angry at the ignorance of others with her and believed in power of humanity with her.

kate touches the lives of so many with such a positive light.
she is truly a lovely individual.

i could gush about how much i admire her for hours, but i'll spare you.
she just really inspired me. i had no idea that when i decided to join that book club and read kate's book i would look at life in a whole new way.
thank you kate.

what rushes into my heart and my skull- i can't control

i remember when i was maybe six or seven i wanted to be an artist "when i grew up." i thought that would be a fantastic job! i loved drawing and creating. (still do) i used to imagine myself at an easel with brush and paint splattered all over my shoes.

as time went on i changed occupations in my mind more times than i can count- animal trainer, marine biologist, rock star, i mean, really, the list goes on.

in high school i finally settled on radio broadcasting. i loved having my own show over the airwaves. i felt like i was able to connect with people. that somehow the music i played, or the stories i told made a difference to someone. so i decided i would go to college and major in english/communications with a concentration in broadcast media.

i think i was just addicted to the feeling of making a difference. (not that its a bad thing to be addicted to, but i just think i was confused about why i loved radio so much) it was the mix of the music, story-telling and feeling like i was connecting with someone who was listening.
(which in all fairness to me are like my 3 favorite things, so of course that's why it appealed to me at the time.)

its been a few years, and once again my dream occupation has changed.
in fact, it's not that it really "changed," i don't have a new one in mind- i just feel lost. i don't know what i want to do.

it's not that i no longer feel inspired- i do, it's just there's so much out there. this past year has opened my eyes to so many things. and in a month or so i'm going to be graduating college and entering "the real world" and i no longer have the direction i once had. everything seems so unsure, or, maybe i just seem so unsure.

or maybe, just maybe i need to wander before i find something that feels right. because as j.r.r. tolkien wrote- "not all those who wander are lost."

so, perhaps i just need to wander a bit?

i won't be left dancing alone to songs of the past

(editor's note: this was written the day before i left- which was september 1st, but didn't post it until today. just in case you were confused.)

tomorrow i head back to the forgotten part of massachusetts.
which means, i should probably be finishing packing right about now, but, surprise i'd rather be on my laptop.
every time i have to pack up for school, i'm always reminded of how much STUFF i have.
its actually ridiculous.
i'd like to say that the habit of keeping everything developed in college. but that would be a lie.
so, as you can imagine, 21 years worth of stuff has accumulated, and can no longer fit into my room.
why do i still have that card someone gave me two years ago?
or what about that stuffed animal i got from someone in 5th grade?
why can't i get rid of any of it?
i'm not really sure. i've sat down in my room over the past two decades with green trashbags meaning to get rid of things, and just end up keeping most of it.
but, i really think its time for a change.
i'm making it a goal to have spring cleaning all year starting this fall.
that way when i return, i'll have less stuff, and then i can focus in on the stuff in my room at home i can remove.
its going to be a long process for sure.
but it's sort of exciting. in a weird way.
i'm not throwing out/recycling the memories- which is what i think i thought i'd be doing when i was little. (which is just plain ole silly cause my memory is puh-retty good.)
i don't need that rock from the lost river to remember all the good times had there.
i know, i'm crazy. who keeps a rock?
i did, ok?

ok. i'm going to go finish packing up.
xoxo